What is life?
Life is the very form of existence. Its being alive and feeling things around you. Its about interacting with surroundings and choosing to do things as you please.
Can you do everything you please?
No, there should be a line there. But no one should draw the line and make it concrete. Its about social norms, after all we are social animals. And acceptable social norms should be followed wherever possible. But once in a while lines can be overstepped in a way that does not harm the people.
How do you know you have harmed people?
Harming people is not just physically harming them. It is wrong to physically harm people unless circumstances demand. But harming them emotionally too. This involves mocking some one's beliefs, questioning morals and so on.
Can we really live our life without harming people?
Of course not, We are human. It is human tendency to make mistakes, after all that is what makes us humans. But once we realize the mistake we are doing, we should make amends. It could be a simple good gesture to a heart felt apology to anyone you have hurt emotionally.
What is God? Does God really exist?
God refers to the force/power that created a planet in the universe where life can be sustained and also gave us the analytical brain which has helped us create so much wonderful things on earth. It is also that force that we question everyday of its existence. Its a mystery. Religions of this world search it in the form of a mysterious force and Science searches it in large particle colliders. But everyone acknowledges it is out there in some form.
What do we do after death? Is there an afterlife?
We don’t do anything. Death is just a game over state. There is nothing beyond it. Religions preach afterlife and rebirth. But this is more or less to provide a remedy to fear in humans. As we are most afraid of change. Even small changes scare us and death is so large a change. The religions concepts answer to that fear. They use the fear to bring order among people. But it is nothing to get scared of, because death absolves you off all responsibilities, of all things in your life. You should embrace it. It is not a bad thing, after all its just the end. We should make sure that when we go out we go out in style by making sure our name lives on beyond us. This can be done by doing good things as accepted by society and making positive changes to the neighborhood we live in.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Looking Back - Part 8
I happened to see a person pushing his son on a wheel chair. The son was paralyzed and had a part of the neck removed. Possibly, due to cancer. The father fed the son with something through a tube and it was a great source of pain for the poor guy. He was moaning all through the feeding and the father was so patient and was taking care of his son like anything. It was very touching and emotional. It made me wonder, how some people can be so patient. Is patience they have a result of the love for their near ones or patience that comes naturally to them. All through this, there was a strange calm at the father's face. It was disheartening and terrible.
I have heard people in India go on about how the Americans don't value families and how divorces go through. Well, I wish they would shut up for once, as they have to realize they sound like preachers who try to convert people. America is every bit conservative as any other country in the world. They also value civil liberties more than anybody in the world. They value it so much that places like Afghanistan where civil liberties were crushed, sounded like dungeon to them and they genuinely feel for the people living there. That is why the idea of liberating people of such countries sounds very romantic to an average American. But that's not my point, I am not here to bicker about such things. The point being, the father's patience arising out of the love of their near ones. I think about the things the whole family had to give up for this boy. The sacrifices made for the boy and who will take care of the boy after the family had gone. it is really scary in the times we live.
These things turn me back to the time of my youth where I had little patience to do anything. Well, I am still impatient, but I guess it is a lot better now. I guess, i have grown a bit, so a lot more patient. But occasionally, I have those brain freeze moments where I go on a rampage and hurt lots of people intentionally. Only to emerge out of that moment with lots of shame and self loathing. It always is nice to have someone who understands you at that particular moment and does not punish you for that. I have quite a few friends who have been good to me at these times. Two people come to my mind when I talk about such friends, One was in my high school and another in college.
The guy from my high school years was very patient. He did not have even one bit of anger or loathing and always had a bright smile on his face. Few people in the world have these qualities. He was a awesome friend to have by your side. Very talented in academics and was also good at talking with girls. I was average in the former and sucked at the latter. On a related side note, I still have problems with the latter, but now its just with those girls i think are pretty while strangely I can talk with every other girl. Anyway off from the tangent, naturally we were best friends during these two years. Some would say we were like Laurel and Hardy. Thankfully, this was my cheeriest part of life. I had nothing to worry about, no girl problems as it was an all boy's school and we had little to think about anything else because of the impending public examinations. Sometimes it makes you wonder if girls are the real trouble during schooling years. Anyone who has attended an all boys school will know what I am talking about.
The other guy was from college. I wouldn't exactly say he was patient, but he did not have any problems with me unlike some other people. He had no ego and was a typical Chennaiite, though he was from Tindivanam. Sometimes irritating, sometimes listening and sometimes advising me. He was the only friend I had, literally, during a ugly 6 month period in my final year. Sometimes This was the period when I had lots of brain freezes and my patience was literally low. But he was understanding of what I was going through and never punished me. As I said there was no ego in our friendship and when I apologized later when I realized what I had done, he always accepted it.
Its always good to have such people in your life. Because they form a great barrier between you and the uglier side of life. I was lucky to have these guys who did that for me but I do feel for thousands who don't and end up desolate and lost. But who determines this, noone. I think again fate or whatever name you want to call it plays a huge role in making it happen for us.
I have heard people in India go on about how the Americans don't value families and how divorces go through. Well, I wish they would shut up for once, as they have to realize they sound like preachers who try to convert people. America is every bit conservative as any other country in the world. They also value civil liberties more than anybody in the world. They value it so much that places like Afghanistan where civil liberties were crushed, sounded like dungeon to them and they genuinely feel for the people living there. That is why the idea of liberating people of such countries sounds very romantic to an average American. But that's not my point, I am not here to bicker about such things. The point being, the father's patience arising out of the love of their near ones. I think about the things the whole family had to give up for this boy. The sacrifices made for the boy and who will take care of the boy after the family had gone. it is really scary in the times we live.
These things turn me back to the time of my youth where I had little patience to do anything. Well, I am still impatient, but I guess it is a lot better now. I guess, i have grown a bit, so a lot more patient. But occasionally, I have those brain freeze moments where I go on a rampage and hurt lots of people intentionally. Only to emerge out of that moment with lots of shame and self loathing. It always is nice to have someone who understands you at that particular moment and does not punish you for that. I have quite a few friends who have been good to me at these times. Two people come to my mind when I talk about such friends, One was in my high school and another in college.
The guy from my high school years was very patient. He did not have even one bit of anger or loathing and always had a bright smile on his face. Few people in the world have these qualities. He was a awesome friend to have by your side. Very talented in academics and was also good at talking with girls. I was average in the former and sucked at the latter. On a related side note, I still have problems with the latter, but now its just with those girls i think are pretty while strangely I can talk with every other girl. Anyway off from the tangent, naturally we were best friends during these two years. Some would say we were like Laurel and Hardy. Thankfully, this was my cheeriest part of life. I had nothing to worry about, no girl problems as it was an all boy's school and we had little to think about anything else because of the impending public examinations. Sometimes it makes you wonder if girls are the real trouble during schooling years. Anyone who has attended an all boys school will know what I am talking about.
The other guy was from college. I wouldn't exactly say he was patient, but he did not have any problems with me unlike some other people. He had no ego and was a typical Chennaiite, though he was from Tindivanam. Sometimes irritating, sometimes listening and sometimes advising me. He was the only friend I had, literally, during a ugly 6 month period in my final year. Sometimes This was the period when I had lots of brain freezes and my patience was literally low. But he was understanding of what I was going through and never punished me. As I said there was no ego in our friendship and when I apologized later when I realized what I had done, he always accepted it.
Its always good to have such people in your life. Because they form a great barrier between you and the uglier side of life. I was lucky to have these guys who did that for me but I do feel for thousands who don't and end up desolate and lost. But who determines this, noone. I think again fate or whatever name you want to call it plays a huge role in making it happen for us.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Looking Back - Part 7
There is one thing amazing in life. Whatever you have is never permanent and whatever you don't have does not mean that you won't have it later. The point is nothing is permanent or fixed. Life is so volatile, sometime you cannot stop but wonder at the things that happen in life. Sometimes, what you think is bad happened because you will get a greater good sometime later in your life. But, death is the ultimate good that can happen to any individual. With it goes away all the responsibilities and emotional things. I think that is why people sometimes want to commit suicide when they feel something really bad has happened.
This post was perhaps the longest time in wait. I was not sure about the reprisals or any other reactions that might come with this post. Also, I did not get the words to write it as much as I liked it. But, if I am going to write about the people who have influenced me a lot, then I cannot miss this person and I wanted to write first and then face anything that comes later. This is about my first crush in life.
I still remember in detail, thought not vivid, about the day that changed my life forever. I remember it was one fine afternoon in school and I also remember it was a particularly free boring day. There was no indication that I was gonna be excited for the rest of my school life. Then it happened. There was this comic play and the cast was called in. I was among them as I had successfully completed a negative role in the previous year's Tamil play and also one of the toppers with acting experience and willingness to try something new.
Well, as we were all assembled, there she was. I couldn't believe that I have not even met her once as she was also in the same school for the past 9 years with me. It was a new experience and it was like something from a movie. There was this large room in the corner of our school. There was no windows but there was one row of slabs with designs on them that allowed for the passage of light. As it was late afternoon the sun had tilted to the west and there was light leaking to the room and the room was the afternoon lazy yellow. When I first looked at her, my heart skipped a beat and all I could think of was how I had missed seeing her all these years.
It still makes me nostalgic and makes me feel nice. I guess that is what made me realize that I am not a kid anymore, though I wish occasionally I never grew up from being a kid. It was a period of new experiences. Daily morning whenever I went to school, my eyes would be searching for her. My heart would beat fast when I see her and we both were in the same area as the school and her house was on the first floor with a open balcony and I would get my cycle and ride in the weekend evenings and sometimes I would get lucky and she would be in the balcony studying or doing something, these days I call lucky days.
I loved hearing her talking, which was not so much, I cannot remember now how her voice sounds like. I would be looking forward for the auditions to the play and when she comes there would stare at her for hours until rehearsal completes. Talking about coincidences, she played as my wife in the play. So this started kind of a playful teasing with her and me. I really felt nice but I used to refute them by acting like I am angry and asking them to stop. And I hid this from my class guys for nearly 6 months, until I chose to trust a guy, who almost immediately made sure that the whole class knew.
All this time, I never spoke to her. I don't know why, but with girls I generally shut up and don't speak to them, unless I know them very well. But with this girl, it was so difficult, whenever I was near her I would sweat like anything and my tongues would be tied. The most I managed to talk in front of her was during a quiz competition that we both were in and I asked her to do something after a long long consideration. The reason being, me followed by the other guys to see what I was talking and it was kind of awkward to talk with her in front of such a large audience. Not that I would have been able to talk with her freely anyway.
It brought about so much changes in life. I started valuing my privacy. Now people from join families in India know about how hard it is to maintain your privacy when you have a snooping, nuisance brother and a mother who is hellbent on learning what you do. But I managed to get myself a room stating my pending public examination as reasons. I kept her photograph, taken at the play in a secret place and stare at her face for hours in the end. It was that time of life where I didn't care for anything anymore other than this girl.
There used to be a daily prayer in my school and one student from the highest class, in this case the X std, has to lead the prayer, now we had just 20 of us in the class and each one of us is supposed to get in once in a month, sometimes twice, it depends. But some skipped taking the lead and I would take their place in leading the prayer. This had an hidden agenda behind it. It was seeing my girl as she would be standing as the first person in the line and I would have a good look at her before classes start. Then sometimes, I would go to their class during lunch and randomly talk to some guy in her class so that I can see her.
Everyday school went on like this until it all ended when the public examinations were over. I still dread that day, because after it I could not see her as I pleased. With the High school and tutions that accompanied it as I had messed up in the X public exams, I found little or no time for anything else but to sleep and study. My mother even severed cable tv to our house for my studies plus now the school was not in our area and it was far and I had to go by cycle daily to my school and come back and then go to tutions in cycle as well. This drained me completely and I got through this period most of the time by looking at her picture but wishing I could see her and perhaps tell her all that I feel, though I could never muster the courage to do it.
I occasionally saw her once or twice on the road or on the open terrace of her house. But after my HSC exams, I moved to college in a different city and my life as I knew it in my home town came to an end. I occasionally visited my hometown from college and got lucky and saw her once or twice in two years. Two years later, that too stopped as my family too, moved to a different city and so did my chances of ever stumbling across her even occasionally and looking at her face. I held on to her photograph for a year in college after which I burnt it as I knew I had to get past her. Life had to move on. I had to move on.
It was a difficult decision, as I always dreamt about her. I suppose maybe that is why I didn't speak with her. I was petrified by the fear of getting rejected, but again I didn't know what to do if she accepted, Heck, I don't know that even now. But she kinda brought up something out of me. She inspired me. Even now when I am expanding my concepts into stories, i think about her as the heroine of that story. She brings out the best in me, perhaps. I do not know how this would have gone if I had somehow got her, but now she lives in me forever as a inspiration for my stories and for my writing. But, I have a good feeling this will change, someday she will stop being the inspiration and some other girl will take her place. Hope it happens soon.
This post was perhaps the longest time in wait. I was not sure about the reprisals or any other reactions that might come with this post. Also, I did not get the words to write it as much as I liked it. But, if I am going to write about the people who have influenced me a lot, then I cannot miss this person and I wanted to write first and then face anything that comes later. This is about my first crush in life.
I still remember in detail, thought not vivid, about the day that changed my life forever. I remember it was one fine afternoon in school and I also remember it was a particularly free boring day. There was no indication that I was gonna be excited for the rest of my school life. Then it happened. There was this comic play and the cast was called in. I was among them as I had successfully completed a negative role in the previous year's Tamil play and also one of the toppers with acting experience and willingness to try something new.
Well, as we were all assembled, there she was. I couldn't believe that I have not even met her once as she was also in the same school for the past 9 years with me. It was a new experience and it was like something from a movie. There was this large room in the corner of our school. There was no windows but there was one row of slabs with designs on them that allowed for the passage of light. As it was late afternoon the sun had tilted to the west and there was light leaking to the room and the room was the afternoon lazy yellow. When I first looked at her, my heart skipped a beat and all I could think of was how I had missed seeing her all these years.
It still makes me nostalgic and makes me feel nice. I guess that is what made me realize that I am not a kid anymore, though I wish occasionally I never grew up from being a kid. It was a period of new experiences. Daily morning whenever I went to school, my eyes would be searching for her. My heart would beat fast when I see her and we both were in the same area as the school and her house was on the first floor with a open balcony and I would get my cycle and ride in the weekend evenings and sometimes I would get lucky and she would be in the balcony studying or doing something, these days I call lucky days.
I loved hearing her talking, which was not so much, I cannot remember now how her voice sounds like. I would be looking forward for the auditions to the play and when she comes there would stare at her for hours until rehearsal completes. Talking about coincidences, she played as my wife in the play. So this started kind of a playful teasing with her and me. I really felt nice but I used to refute them by acting like I am angry and asking them to stop. And I hid this from my class guys for nearly 6 months, until I chose to trust a guy, who almost immediately made sure that the whole class knew.
All this time, I never spoke to her. I don't know why, but with girls I generally shut up and don't speak to them, unless I know them very well. But with this girl, it was so difficult, whenever I was near her I would sweat like anything and my tongues would be tied. The most I managed to talk in front of her was during a quiz competition that we both were in and I asked her to do something after a long long consideration. The reason being, me followed by the other guys to see what I was talking and it was kind of awkward to talk with her in front of such a large audience. Not that I would have been able to talk with her freely anyway.
It brought about so much changes in life. I started valuing my privacy. Now people from join families in India know about how hard it is to maintain your privacy when you have a snooping, nuisance brother and a mother who is hellbent on learning what you do. But I managed to get myself a room stating my pending public examination as reasons. I kept her photograph, taken at the play in a secret place and stare at her face for hours in the end. It was that time of life where I didn't care for anything anymore other than this girl.
There used to be a daily prayer in my school and one student from the highest class, in this case the X std, has to lead the prayer, now we had just 20 of us in the class and each one of us is supposed to get in once in a month, sometimes twice, it depends. But some skipped taking the lead and I would take their place in leading the prayer. This had an hidden agenda behind it. It was seeing my girl as she would be standing as the first person in the line and I would have a good look at her before classes start. Then sometimes, I would go to their class during lunch and randomly talk to some guy in her class so that I can see her.
Everyday school went on like this until it all ended when the public examinations were over. I still dread that day, because after it I could not see her as I pleased. With the High school and tutions that accompanied it as I had messed up in the X public exams, I found little or no time for anything else but to sleep and study. My mother even severed cable tv to our house for my studies plus now the school was not in our area and it was far and I had to go by cycle daily to my school and come back and then go to tutions in cycle as well. This drained me completely and I got through this period most of the time by looking at her picture but wishing I could see her and perhaps tell her all that I feel, though I could never muster the courage to do it.
I occasionally saw her once or twice on the road or on the open terrace of her house. But after my HSC exams, I moved to college in a different city and my life as I knew it in my home town came to an end. I occasionally visited my hometown from college and got lucky and saw her once or twice in two years. Two years later, that too stopped as my family too, moved to a different city and so did my chances of ever stumbling across her even occasionally and looking at her face. I held on to her photograph for a year in college after which I burnt it as I knew I had to get past her. Life had to move on. I had to move on.
It was a difficult decision, as I always dreamt about her. I suppose maybe that is why I didn't speak with her. I was petrified by the fear of getting rejected, but again I didn't know what to do if she accepted, Heck, I don't know that even now. But she kinda brought up something out of me. She inspired me. Even now when I am expanding my concepts into stories, i think about her as the heroine of that story. She brings out the best in me, perhaps. I do not know how this would have gone if I had somehow got her, but now she lives in me forever as a inspiration for my stories and for my writing. But, I have a good feeling this will change, someday she will stop being the inspiration and some other girl will take her place. Hope it happens soon.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Looking Back - Part 6
Last post was sort of forced out because I was doing it on a special request from a friend. So it was kind of disassociated from whatever I was writing. There are lots of things to talk about in my school life. It was pretty chaotic times actually, lots were happening in my life so fast in the later part of my school life that I can think of lots of time to write. These posts sort of make me look back at the older days and draw lots of inspiration in my present life. These are the things that give me energy to go on and a confidence that I can make my life the way I want as I have done it until now.
I am a bit proud about my accomplishments. Most of these, in my humble opinion, I have achieved despite the insurmountable odds and well before my peers. It is good, but sometimes it gets too much as I am self made unlike some other people I know. This thought is intoxicating, it makes you feel like you are on the top of the world, but you are actually not. Sometimes you have to take a great fall from the top to the ground. Believe me, it hurts right in the area where it matters most, Pride.
I have had lots of such humbling experiences and I learnt to control my head and never let pride take over me anymore. The worst humbling fall I took was during my first public examinations. I was always a bit over-rated, to heck with the bit, I was and am always over-er rated. Maybe its just my appearance or my mysterious silence when I meet anyone first. Something leads people to think that I am a great nerd or geek. I let people think this because once that is established you always get a special treatment. I am accustomed to such treatments, so I like it actually.
Anyways, as always I was touted to get a state rank by my school correspondent. The guy had so much confidence in me that he even told my parents that he was expecting a state rank out of me and my folks were the happiest people in the earth. But the funnies thing was I was never the topper in class. I used to come in the top 4 ranks of the class, mostly at the 4th that's about it. I do not know where people got the state rank ideas, but anyway, I was being inflated by my Mom at home and by the corres in the school and my dad was skeptical from the start. As the story goes, I managed a mere 79% in that public exam, exactly 4th place again. My correspondent was devastated. Well, at least I passed. I had 85%+ in the sciences and maths and dropped lots of marks in languages. Life was cruel here as well as I am very fluent when it comes to writing in both Tamil and English. Well, that's life.
But these things are only temporary. You can always bounce back. When I fail in something, I recover very quickly. I guess, after you have been through a number of failures, you sort of start thinking like this. First, you are very down by something because you know you screwed up. but when it becomes kind of a habit, you come to a realization that the period of remorse is not worth it. Life is more than that. You have to steer yourself clear of the negative thoughts and make yourself ready for the next task.
Life, as I have seen it, changes in a matter of seconds. Not in one hour or two hours, not in a day or two, but in a matter of seconds. Happiness and sorrow, they come and go in seconds, and if you choose to make these emotions control you or your life, then you are a goner. But some people live like this and they enjoy that too. Its more of a personal choice. Anyway, the failure in my first public humbled me to a level that I now refused to believe in me anymore. This is another recipe for disaster, but my dad who was skeptical during this entire time, actually talked with me and made me believe I can do something. This came with a catch though, I had to take a tuition.
I hated tuition, generally because of two reasons. One, I was a house cat. Yep, thats actually the term. I hated any places other than my one house. It is the one place, where you can be you. Other places in the world required you to be something. So I loved being at my house. This tuition thing was going to spoil it. Two, tuition actually brought into my memories the one I had when I was in my primary school. I would go to this place, sit with a teacher and she would make me do all my homework and study for exams. And I hated the place as I was forced to do things.
But it was not without reason that my parents put me there. I was a lazy and unorganized lad and would always fall behind when it came to written assignments in my school days until 10th. My teachers were amazed, because the other guys who did the same were always in the lower part of the class, while I was in the top 5. I had this knack of remembering things that actually helped me. I developed this technique to make things easy. Whenever something is taught in the class. I break things into grass root level and learn only the logic behind it and apply that to all the things that are similar. It is amazing how much you can do with this thing. In fact, I passed in a college exam this way when I was doing my bachelors.
There was a lots of mischief I did in my tuition classes. But that is for another day. Anyway, I started believing in myself. I actually passed with flying colors in my second public examination in 12th and the engineering entrance examinations. The success got me into the most prestigious institution for engineering in Tamilnadu, Coimbatore Institute of Technology and I am to this day proud to be one of the alumni. It is intoxicating and my head is filled with pride, but what the heck, I love my college very much. And I am proud to be a CITian. Not all guys can get into our prestigious institution. And I am glad, I did. It was an major achievement in life.
I am a bit proud about my accomplishments. Most of these, in my humble opinion, I have achieved despite the insurmountable odds and well before my peers. It is good, but sometimes it gets too much as I am self made unlike some other people I know. This thought is intoxicating, it makes you feel like you are on the top of the world, but you are actually not. Sometimes you have to take a great fall from the top to the ground. Believe me, it hurts right in the area where it matters most, Pride.
I have had lots of such humbling experiences and I learnt to control my head and never let pride take over me anymore. The worst humbling fall I took was during my first public examinations. I was always a bit over-rated, to heck with the bit, I was and am always over-er rated. Maybe its just my appearance or my mysterious silence when I meet anyone first. Something leads people to think that I am a great nerd or geek. I let people think this because once that is established you always get a special treatment. I am accustomed to such treatments, so I like it actually.
Anyways, as always I was touted to get a state rank by my school correspondent. The guy had so much confidence in me that he even told my parents that he was expecting a state rank out of me and my folks were the happiest people in the earth. But the funnies thing was I was never the topper in class. I used to come in the top 4 ranks of the class, mostly at the 4th that's about it. I do not know where people got the state rank ideas, but anyway, I was being inflated by my Mom at home and by the corres in the school and my dad was skeptical from the start. As the story goes, I managed a mere 79% in that public exam, exactly 4th place again. My correspondent was devastated. Well, at least I passed. I had 85%+ in the sciences and maths and dropped lots of marks in languages. Life was cruel here as well as I am very fluent when it comes to writing in both Tamil and English. Well, that's life.
But these things are only temporary. You can always bounce back. When I fail in something, I recover very quickly. I guess, after you have been through a number of failures, you sort of start thinking like this. First, you are very down by something because you know you screwed up. but when it becomes kind of a habit, you come to a realization that the period of remorse is not worth it. Life is more than that. You have to steer yourself clear of the negative thoughts and make yourself ready for the next task.
Life, as I have seen it, changes in a matter of seconds. Not in one hour or two hours, not in a day or two, but in a matter of seconds. Happiness and sorrow, they come and go in seconds, and if you choose to make these emotions control you or your life, then you are a goner. But some people live like this and they enjoy that too. Its more of a personal choice. Anyway, the failure in my first public humbled me to a level that I now refused to believe in me anymore. This is another recipe for disaster, but my dad who was skeptical during this entire time, actually talked with me and made me believe I can do something. This came with a catch though, I had to take a tuition.
I hated tuition, generally because of two reasons. One, I was a house cat. Yep, thats actually the term. I hated any places other than my one house. It is the one place, where you can be you. Other places in the world required you to be something. So I loved being at my house. This tuition thing was going to spoil it. Two, tuition actually brought into my memories the one I had when I was in my primary school. I would go to this place, sit with a teacher and she would make me do all my homework and study for exams. And I hated the place as I was forced to do things.
But it was not without reason that my parents put me there. I was a lazy and unorganized lad and would always fall behind when it came to written assignments in my school days until 10th. My teachers were amazed, because the other guys who did the same were always in the lower part of the class, while I was in the top 5. I had this knack of remembering things that actually helped me. I developed this technique to make things easy. Whenever something is taught in the class. I break things into grass root level and learn only the logic behind it and apply that to all the things that are similar. It is amazing how much you can do with this thing. In fact, I passed in a college exam this way when I was doing my bachelors.
There was a lots of mischief I did in my tuition classes. But that is for another day. Anyway, I started believing in myself. I actually passed with flying colors in my second public examination in 12th and the engineering entrance examinations. The success got me into the most prestigious institution for engineering in Tamilnadu, Coimbatore Institute of Technology and I am to this day proud to be one of the alumni. It is intoxicating and my head is filled with pride, but what the heck, I love my college very much. And I am proud to be a CITian. Not all guys can get into our prestigious institution. And I am glad, I did. It was an major achievement in life.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Looking Back - Part 5
There is lots more to life than the normal pleasures that you get in the course of life. But many of us fail to recognize it and sometimes go behind all the artificial pleasures of life. I had a chance to talk with a psychology grad who told me about what happens when a person gets addicted to something and how he loses even the basic perceptions in life and how the withdrawal is painful. Believe me people, You would not want to be part of any of that. Its actually very painful than it sounds to be. It sounded a heck of painful.
As I am going through my early life now, I am feeling very nostalgic at times, but it feels good to have grown up and crossed certain points of life without much ado. I used to think about what I am going to be in life when I was in my middle school. I had this constant worry about what I would become in my life. Frankly, I did not know what to do. I wanted to be an engineer but didn't know how to become one and as I was shy and didn't talk I didn't know if it was a good idea. No one was there to validate it. But in a two years time, I had my first crush, I became talkative almost over night. But there was a problem, I never talked before that and when I started talking it was my baby talks. Still it is my baby talks only, but it was a lot worse. Imagine a big kid chatting away but all you can hear it some random gibberish.
It was sort of funny, but hey you have to give the kid his due. I have been silent for the most of my life because of all the other people. Some of my relatives made fun of me when I was baby talking when i was a child, so I shut up and when I started talking in school, some of my class mates started teasing, so I again shut up. But finally I opened up and talked non stop. I didn't care about anyone teasing me. I wish I had did it earlier, I would be out of my baby talks by now.
There was a voice from my college friend that I should be writing about college soon. But I have lots to write about my school that I have to come to my college a while later and nothing to write about there as it would only make some feel really bad. But, I want to thank my college friends for giving me a real birthday party. That's right, It was in college that I cut my second cake, the first being for my first birthday party.
My birthday usually fell in the window of a local temple festival in Salem, my hometown. So, my birthday usually fell in a local holiday. I never went to school on that day and would usually stay home and my dad got this idea that if you blow candles out on your birthday its not a good sign from somewhere and so there was a candle blowing ban that day. But if you want a cake you still got those pieces of cake for your birthday.
And besides, I didn't have to embarrass myself going to school in a colored pair of pants and shirts while other kids wear uniform and hand out pieces of candies to everyone in the class. But, there was atleast 2 or more times I had to do it, but that was ok. When I went to high school, no one cared when my birthday is and I didn't tell them either. So, it kinda went past in that time too. But only when I went to college and only in the second year and the third year I had some real birthday celebrations with my friends.
Yeah, and it is a great feeling. Coming to the college wearing your new clothes without being embarassed of looking like a sore thumb sticking out. The cake cutting candle blowing et all. That qualifies as some of the best moments of my life, however the situation has changed since. That was the second golden age of my life and will remain such for the rest of my life.
As I am going through my early life now, I am feeling very nostalgic at times, but it feels good to have grown up and crossed certain points of life without much ado. I used to think about what I am going to be in life when I was in my middle school. I had this constant worry about what I would become in my life. Frankly, I did not know what to do. I wanted to be an engineer but didn't know how to become one and as I was shy and didn't talk I didn't know if it was a good idea. No one was there to validate it. But in a two years time, I had my first crush, I became talkative almost over night. But there was a problem, I never talked before that and when I started talking it was my baby talks. Still it is my baby talks only, but it was a lot worse. Imagine a big kid chatting away but all you can hear it some random gibberish.
It was sort of funny, but hey you have to give the kid his due. I have been silent for the most of my life because of all the other people. Some of my relatives made fun of me when I was baby talking when i was a child, so I shut up and when I started talking in school, some of my class mates started teasing, so I again shut up. But finally I opened up and talked non stop. I didn't care about anyone teasing me. I wish I had did it earlier, I would be out of my baby talks by now.
There was a voice from my college friend that I should be writing about college soon. But I have lots to write about my school that I have to come to my college a while later and nothing to write about there as it would only make some feel really bad. But, I want to thank my college friends for giving me a real birthday party. That's right, It was in college that I cut my second cake, the first being for my first birthday party.
My birthday usually fell in the window of a local temple festival in Salem, my hometown. So, my birthday usually fell in a local holiday. I never went to school on that day and would usually stay home and my dad got this idea that if you blow candles out on your birthday its not a good sign from somewhere and so there was a candle blowing ban that day. But if you want a cake you still got those pieces of cake for your birthday.
And besides, I didn't have to embarrass myself going to school in a colored pair of pants and shirts while other kids wear uniform and hand out pieces of candies to everyone in the class. But, there was atleast 2 or more times I had to do it, but that was ok. When I went to high school, no one cared when my birthday is and I didn't tell them either. So, it kinda went past in that time too. But only when I went to college and only in the second year and the third year I had some real birthday celebrations with my friends.
Yeah, and it is a great feeling. Coming to the college wearing your new clothes without being embarassed of looking like a sore thumb sticking out. The cake cutting candle blowing et all. That qualifies as some of the best moments of my life, however the situation has changed since. That was the second golden age of my life and will remain such for the rest of my life.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Looking Back - Part 4
Looking back, I come across so many memories, some I wish had never happened. Some I want to last, but it won't as it happened a long time before and is over. People have changed and moved on. Some people have taken additional responsibilities like heading up their career path. So they have kind of moved away from me. The more I think about it, I find it hard to digest it. But If you love something or someone, you have to let it go when time comes. If any of the person who loves you takes a decision to move away from you, it means that the thing they are pursuing means a lot to them. You should never take it in wrong sense and just let them go as anything else will only spoil the relationship and push it to the worse. This I would learn in a hard way later in my life.
But I am not gonna talk about it right now or later too. I want to talk about my childhood, the time where I grew up abnormally for my age, both my height and my width. I was the largest kid in the class but ironically I was the smallest kid in my class. I was put into school, approximately two months earlier. It is hard, I could never remember a day in school in my LKG where I didn't cry. There was nothing that could stop me. But now after all these years, I want that school life back. Irony and more irony.
There was this time of the life, where I had transitioned from a small boy to a large kid and that was the worst time to move, but we had to and we moved to a new neighborhood. New neighborhood brought more challenges as I was moving away from my friends and my best friend in school just vanished without trace. I was in for a spin. But there was this effect which put even me in awe. I grew more aggressive. My parents put me into this Karate class in school and it only fueled my aggression more.
I got into pointless fights with the school bullies who used to harass me before 5th were in for a surprise as I showed resistance. I was growing up. But one more thing that was not with me at this time was shame. I used to go out into the streets in just my undies and it was normal for a little kid to do, but people used to give me a frown as I was a little too big for a kid. The people in my house knew this, but not all others. But it will not last for long as soon I got it and stopped the habit.
This was also the time I met my best friend whom I am in touch even today. He was a source of inspiration and I looked towards him as an role model for my non academic part of life. He was also my most loyal companion until I moved to college 6 years later. His name was half of my name, that is one of the reasons why I liked him. We sort of formed an alliance against an common bully and he was the first one I knew who opposed the other guy. I joined him in as an we started ignoring the other guy for like 2 years.
But at the end of the second year, without me being present, those two guys joined together citing our last two years in the school as the reason. I would also accept the reason later. But, we used to have so much fun together. His family used to be a caretaker of this big house in Fairlands. And the bungalow was empty and we used to play in that bungalow or just speak about our crushes and things. And used to have all the fun. This place was used by all the guys after we all got together. This place is no more and has been teared down to make way for a complex as it was in the main road. Sad as I was planning to buy it when I started to make money later.
The life got pretty much easier at the end of the boycott I should say. Now all of us boys had only one thing to dread about. That was farewell day. So we used to have so much fun. The thing about being the shy little kid for so many years is that all the teachers are so used to you being a shy kid that even when you do stuff that normal people do, people tend to single you out as being the good kid and pull you out of trouble. That was fun, doing everything but when the time for punishment came, I would be out of trouble. I used to do it to the agony of others quite a few times. Oh gullible people!!!
I could also state this period as a period of immense competition as some other people walked in who managed to score top of the class and I was pushed further down the rank ladder. But by this time, I had another reputation built up in my house as a conniving liar. Apparently, the reputation you build up at school does not hold true in house. Even after I switched out to the honesty mode, My mom refused to believe me for quite sometime. But I have to accept it as it is. I used to steal from my house, used to lie a lot, do things that I regret now for doing it. But, if there was one thing I learnt from this whole experience was that lying and stealing does not help. It is not even worth doing it. Some of these core principles I use as a foundation to what I am following today.
Never lie. Don't desire for what is not yours. Money that does not come as a result of hard work will never stay as you don't know the value of it. In the course of time, I found out if everybody followed these, the world will be a lot better place than what we see today.
But I am not gonna talk about it right now or later too. I want to talk about my childhood, the time where I grew up abnormally for my age, both my height and my width. I was the largest kid in the class but ironically I was the smallest kid in my class. I was put into school, approximately two months earlier. It is hard, I could never remember a day in school in my LKG where I didn't cry. There was nothing that could stop me. But now after all these years, I want that school life back. Irony and more irony.
There was this time of the life, where I had transitioned from a small boy to a large kid and that was the worst time to move, but we had to and we moved to a new neighborhood. New neighborhood brought more challenges as I was moving away from my friends and my best friend in school just vanished without trace. I was in for a spin. But there was this effect which put even me in awe. I grew more aggressive. My parents put me into this Karate class in school and it only fueled my aggression more.
I got into pointless fights with the school bullies who used to harass me before 5th were in for a surprise as I showed resistance. I was growing up. But one more thing that was not with me at this time was shame. I used to go out into the streets in just my undies and it was normal for a little kid to do, but people used to give me a frown as I was a little too big for a kid. The people in my house knew this, but not all others. But it will not last for long as soon I got it and stopped the habit.
This was also the time I met my best friend whom I am in touch even today. He was a source of inspiration and I looked towards him as an role model for my non academic part of life. He was also my most loyal companion until I moved to college 6 years later. His name was half of my name, that is one of the reasons why I liked him. We sort of formed an alliance against an common bully and he was the first one I knew who opposed the other guy. I joined him in as an we started ignoring the other guy for like 2 years.
But at the end of the second year, without me being present, those two guys joined together citing our last two years in the school as the reason. I would also accept the reason later. But, we used to have so much fun together. His family used to be a caretaker of this big house in Fairlands. And the bungalow was empty and we used to play in that bungalow or just speak about our crushes and things. And used to have all the fun. This place was used by all the guys after we all got together. This place is no more and has been teared down to make way for a complex as it was in the main road. Sad as I was planning to buy it when I started to make money later.
The life got pretty much easier at the end of the boycott I should say. Now all of us boys had only one thing to dread about. That was farewell day. So we used to have so much fun. The thing about being the shy little kid for so many years is that all the teachers are so used to you being a shy kid that even when you do stuff that normal people do, people tend to single you out as being the good kid and pull you out of trouble. That was fun, doing everything but when the time for punishment came, I would be out of trouble. I used to do it to the agony of others quite a few times. Oh gullible people!!!
I could also state this period as a period of immense competition as some other people walked in who managed to score top of the class and I was pushed further down the rank ladder. But by this time, I had another reputation built up in my house as a conniving liar. Apparently, the reputation you build up at school does not hold true in house. Even after I switched out to the honesty mode, My mom refused to believe me for quite sometime. But I have to accept it as it is. I used to steal from my house, used to lie a lot, do things that I regret now for doing it. But, if there was one thing I learnt from this whole experience was that lying and stealing does not help. It is not even worth doing it. Some of these core principles I use as a foundation to what I am following today.
Never lie. Don't desire for what is not yours. Money that does not come as a result of hard work will never stay as you don't know the value of it. In the course of time, I found out if everybody followed these, the world will be a lot better place than what we see today.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Looking Back - Part 3
I get this question from many of my friends, "How are you taking life's failures easily and moving on so quickly?". When you had a childhood where disappointments were the way of life and you had a life ahead, you kinda get that ability with you not doing anything. I just move on in my life within a short time, I have did it repeatedly as a boy.
I have the world's greatest parents who toil and work hard to make their kid's dreams come together, but when they have a huge dreamer like me as their kid, it kinda makes it hard for them to keep up. I was pampered as a small child by my loving father as it was a golden period but then our finances declined continually so does the privileges that comes with money, but as a child I refused to move on. I regret this even now. But, it was a cause of total disappointment for me in the coming years.
My problems were not only this but later came in different forms as my life progressed. That made me adapt to a absorb pain and quickly move on type of mode. This was in every aspect of my life and would come to criticism and sarcasm from some of my friends. But, I move on quickly whatever people say, sometimes in a matter of minutes and sometimes in a matter of weeks. Even when I had to face a problem, every teenager faces in his life. I moved on in a matter of months. It was so quick that even my friends refused to believe that I did the thing correctly. Its been my unique quality ever since, I bounce off a failure in record time.
Now to pick up from where I left in my last post, There was this time when I broke my arms and it was due to a girl. I still remember the incident as it happened yesterday, there was this construction yard nearby my house with sand and bricks lined. The favorite past time of kids was to get on the bricks and then dive into the sand. So as this was happening, there was this new girl with a boy who was familiar in the area. So as we were playing, it was my turn to jump and I was standing there preparing for an stylish dive when someone pushed me from behind, as luck would have it I fell sideways into a pile of black rocks in the side. Poof!!! I landed on one arm and there was no pain and I was actually smiling but could not use my right arm.
Soon, someone went to my house with the news and my family came running out. News went to my father who came from our factory 20 Kms away. I still had no clue what was going on except the fact that my right had was not working anymore. It was kind of cool at that time as I was getting all the attention.People swamping over me giving all kinds of advises, but my arm just won't work. Later that day we went to a doctor nearby and on that doctor's advise went to a ortho specialist who put my arm in sling for two months.
Can you believe it, two months. After rest of two weeks at home, I went to school and since i missed whole two weeks there was lots of things to write, but with my right hand out of service I had ppl doing it for me. But I remember and I remember this because of the hate I got because of my broken arms. One teacher apparently didn't believe that my arm was broken even though my parents took the extra step to come to my school and explain my situation and believe it or not, my mother coming a hour before to school and writing down the class work in the notebook. She made me write the class work myself. Lame, but I can now only laugh at that teacher's apparent 'don't give him sympathy' method. She had the reputation of being the toughest teacher on block and wanted to keep up the reputation.
I am ending it on a note of wondering. I can remember this incident because I was in pain or something that cause pain. I also remember that girl well because of the situation she caused. As a foot note, After two months I searched for the girl, but seems she had left and the boy who she was with had no idea where the girl went. But I do believe I came across the girl in college, but I could not confirm it though. I still have my doubts. But I remember faces and names better than anyone else. Since I don't have much to remember in that department.
I also think that friends, particularly those you get in childhood are really important. They stay with you for a long time than you can think of. I wish I could have had someone like that, but had to sacrifice them due to family reasons. But, it does not stop there, I had to change the neighborhood frequently until I moved to college. The neighborhood varied from posh to normal neighborhoods. People I have moved with from different wakes of life.
Even now, it takes me an incredibly long time to choose my friends. But once there, I really want my friends to have all the things they desire in their life and ready to sacrifice even my life for them. I am happy because my friends are happy and if they are sad, I try to cheer them up. Some of my friends call this behavior, very passionate and sometimes unacceptable. But, hey, that's the way I am.
I have the world's greatest parents who toil and work hard to make their kid's dreams come together, but when they have a huge dreamer like me as their kid, it kinda makes it hard for them to keep up. I was pampered as a small child by my loving father as it was a golden period but then our finances declined continually so does the privileges that comes with money, but as a child I refused to move on. I regret this even now. But, it was a cause of total disappointment for me in the coming years.
My problems were not only this but later came in different forms as my life progressed. That made me adapt to a absorb pain and quickly move on type of mode. This was in every aspect of my life and would come to criticism and sarcasm from some of my friends. But, I move on quickly whatever people say, sometimes in a matter of minutes and sometimes in a matter of weeks. Even when I had to face a problem, every teenager faces in his life. I moved on in a matter of months. It was so quick that even my friends refused to believe that I did the thing correctly. Its been my unique quality ever since, I bounce off a failure in record time.
Now to pick up from where I left in my last post, There was this time when I broke my arms and it was due to a girl. I still remember the incident as it happened yesterday, there was this construction yard nearby my house with sand and bricks lined. The favorite past time of kids was to get on the bricks and then dive into the sand. So as this was happening, there was this new girl with a boy who was familiar in the area. So as we were playing, it was my turn to jump and I was standing there preparing for an stylish dive when someone pushed me from behind, as luck would have it I fell sideways into a pile of black rocks in the side. Poof!!! I landed on one arm and there was no pain and I was actually smiling but could not use my right arm.
Soon, someone went to my house with the news and my family came running out. News went to my father who came from our factory 20 Kms away. I still had no clue what was going on except the fact that my right had was not working anymore. It was kind of cool at that time as I was getting all the attention.People swamping over me giving all kinds of advises, but my arm just won't work. Later that day we went to a doctor nearby and on that doctor's advise went to a ortho specialist who put my arm in sling for two months.
Can you believe it, two months. After rest of two weeks at home, I went to school and since i missed whole two weeks there was lots of things to write, but with my right hand out of service I had ppl doing it for me. But I remember and I remember this because of the hate I got because of my broken arms. One teacher apparently didn't believe that my arm was broken even though my parents took the extra step to come to my school and explain my situation and believe it or not, my mother coming a hour before to school and writing down the class work in the notebook. She made me write the class work myself. Lame, but I can now only laugh at that teacher's apparent 'don't give him sympathy' method. She had the reputation of being the toughest teacher on block and wanted to keep up the reputation.
I am ending it on a note of wondering. I can remember this incident because I was in pain or something that cause pain. I also remember that girl well because of the situation she caused. As a foot note, After two months I searched for the girl, but seems she had left and the boy who she was with had no idea where the girl went. But I do believe I came across the girl in college, but I could not confirm it though. I still have my doubts. But I remember faces and names better than anyone else. Since I don't have much to remember in that department.
I also think that friends, particularly those you get in childhood are really important. They stay with you for a long time than you can think of. I wish I could have had someone like that, but had to sacrifice them due to family reasons. But, it does not stop there, I had to change the neighborhood frequently until I moved to college. The neighborhood varied from posh to normal neighborhoods. People I have moved with from different wakes of life.
Even now, it takes me an incredibly long time to choose my friends. But once there, I really want my friends to have all the things they desire in their life and ready to sacrifice even my life for them. I am happy because my friends are happy and if they are sad, I try to cheer them up. Some of my friends call this behavior, very passionate and sometimes unacceptable. But, hey, that's the way I am.
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