Looking Back - Part 6

Last post was sort of forced out because I was doing it on a special request from a friend. So it was kind of disassociated from whatever I was writing. There are lots of things to talk about in my school life. It was pretty chaotic times actually, lots were happening in my life so fast in the later part of my school life that I can think of lots of time to write. These posts sort of make me look back at the older days and draw lots of inspiration in my present life. These are the things that give me energy to go on and a confidence that I can make my life the way I want as I have done it until now.

I am a bit proud about my accomplishments. Most of these, in my humble opinion, I have achieved despite the insurmountable odds and well before my peers. It is good, but sometimes it gets too much as I am self made unlike some other people I know. This thought is intoxicating, it makes you feel like you are on the top of the world, but you are actually not. Sometimes you have to take a great fall from the top to the ground. Believe me, it hurts right in the area where it matters most, Pride.

I have had lots of such humbling experiences and I learnt to control my head and never let pride take over me anymore. The worst humbling fall I took was during my first public examinations. I was always a bit over-rated, to heck with the bit, I was and am always over-er rated. Maybe its just my appearance or my mysterious silence when I meet anyone first. Something leads people to think that I am a great nerd or geek. I let people think this because once that is established you always get a special treatment. I am accustomed to such treatments, so I like it actually.

Anyways, as always I was touted to get a state rank by my school correspondent. The guy had so much confidence in me that he even told my parents that he was expecting a state rank out of me and my folks were the happiest people in the earth. But the funnies thing was I was never the topper in class. I used to come in the top 4 ranks of the class, mostly at the 4th that's about it. I do not know where people got the state rank ideas, but anyway, I was being inflated by my Mom at home and by the corres in the school and my dad was skeptical from the start. As the story goes, I managed a mere 79% in that public exam, exactly 4th place again. My correspondent was devastated. Well, at least I passed. I had 85%+ in the sciences and maths and dropped lots of marks in languages. Life was cruel here as well as I am very fluent when it comes to writing in both Tamil and English. Well, that's life.

But these things are only temporary. You can always bounce back. When I fail in something, I recover very quickly. I guess, after you have been through a number of failures, you sort of start thinking like this. First, you are very down by something because you know you screwed up. but when it becomes kind of a habit, you come to a realization that the period of remorse is not worth it. Life is more than that. You have to steer yourself clear of the negative thoughts and make yourself ready for the next task.

Life, as I have seen it, changes in a matter of seconds. Not in one hour or two hours, not in a day or two, but in a matter of seconds. Happiness and sorrow, they come and go in seconds, and if you choose to make these emotions control you or your life, then you are a goner. But some people live like this and they enjoy that too. Its more of a personal choice. Anyway, the failure in my first public humbled me to a level that I now refused to believe in me anymore. This is another recipe for disaster, but my dad who was skeptical during this entire time, actually talked with me and made me believe I can do something. This came with a catch though, I had to take a tuition.

I hated tuition, generally because of two reasons. One, I was a house cat. Yep, thats actually the term. I hated any places other than my one house. It is the one place, where you can be you. Other places in the world required you to be something. So I loved being at my house. This tuition thing was going to spoil it. Two, tuition actually brought into my memories the one I had when I was in my primary school. I would go to this place, sit with a teacher and she would make me do all my homework and study for exams. And I hated the place as I was forced to do things.

But it was not without reason that my parents put me there. I was a lazy and unorganized lad and would always fall behind when it came to written assignments in my school days until 10th. My teachers were amazed, because the other guys who did the same were always in the lower part of the class, while I was in the top 5. I had this knack of remembering things that actually helped me. I developed this technique to make things easy. Whenever something is taught in the class. I break things into grass root level and learn only the logic behind it and apply that to all the things that are similar. It is amazing how much you can do with this thing. In fact, I passed in a college exam this way when I was doing my bachelors.

There was a lots of mischief I did in my tuition classes. But that is for another day. Anyway, I started believing in myself. I actually passed with flying colors in my second public examination in 12th and the engineering entrance examinations. The success got me into the most prestigious institution for engineering in Tamilnadu, Coimbatore Institute of Technology and I am to this day proud to be one of the alumni. It is intoxicating and my head is filled with pride, but what the heck, I love my college very much. And I am proud to be a CITian. Not all guys can get into our prestigious institution. And I am glad, I did. It was an major achievement in life.